“I was killing myself with all the drinking and pills,” the mother of three shared in an excerpt with People.
In late 2017, the singer, 39, said she was “pretty [close to] rock-bottom” and made the decision to seek treatment to get sober.
“Quitting was the easy part,” she said. “I was mad at that bottle. At how it allowed me to stay complacent and numb.”
Simpson believes her dependency on drugs and alcohol was partially brought on by the trauma surrounding childhood sexual abuse that began when she was 6.
While sharing a bed with a family friend’s daughter, “it would start with tickling my back and then go into things that were extremely uncomfortable. For six years, I was abused by this girl during our family’s visits,” she explained.
Simpson said she told her parents, Joe and Tina Simpson, what had gone on during a drive to the girl’s town. “I was the victim, but somehow, I felt in the wrong,” Simpson wrote, recalling the moment her “mother slapped my father’s arm” and yelled, “I told you something was happening.”
Simpson revealed they “never stayed at my parents’ friends’ house again, but we also didn’t talk about what I had said.”
As Simpson’s career continued to flourish, she also grappled with anxiety and scrutiny over her weight, which began as a teenager.
“On my seventeenth birthday, I flew to New York for meetings with record labels. I sang ‘Amazing Grace’ for Tommy Mottola at Columbia and he wanted to sign me. And then he said, ‘You gotta lose fifteen pounds,'” Simpson recalled.
At 118 pounds, Simpson said, she “immediately went on an extremely strict diet, and started taking diet pills, which I would do for the next twenty years.”
“When I finally said I needed help, it was like I was that little girl that found her calling again in life,” she shared. “I found direction and that was to walk straight ahead with no fear.”
For more on Jessica Simpson’s candid memoir, listen to this episode of the Page Six podcast, “We Hear“:
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